I guess xanga is my last resort to kick boredom in the asshole with stilledo.

well, the never ending spring semester of my sophomore year actually ended. *surprised* .  I don't really remember much of the semester besides that all my classes were really useless, and my world religion TA was a Fucking FAG. *disclaimer: i do not have anything against homosexuals, and the word FAG here means fucktard-Asshole-grostulation, all the nasty terms i can think of to describe this retarded TA*

this fag gave me a 40% for participation even tho i only missed class 2 out of 15 times through out the entire semester.....and this actually brought my grade down to a C....my FUCKING FIRST C since DAY ONE of my college career. oh my lord, how i wish i could hammer his tiny penise to a WALL.
but anywas, knowing that nothing would further effect the finality of my C, I went into his office, stood in front of his desk, and banged on his desk with both of my hands and said:

i wonder if people still read this, lol oh well, doesn't really matter. i like blogging ..it helps me arrange my thoughts, know wat i mean?

so LIFE is GOING extremely WELL, observe:
1. OFFICALLY a student of College of Business, Majoring in Accountancy starting Fall 2006
2. Just celebrated One-year anniversary with Jesse on March 21st
3. Dean's list for Fall 2005
4. JNJ competition coming up in April
5. Have secured another summer internship with PriceWaterHouse Coopers, in Taipei, Taiwan.
6. weather is getting warmer ( i know, i love it ^_^)
7. I now have a cabinet full of JUNK food, about 20 different kinds of them
8. got a minifridge in my room so i no longer have to rearrange the big fridge in my apt everytime i shop

on the topic of relationships:
combination of negative events for the past few years really has made me become a suspicious, paranoid, and confrontational person when it comes to having relationships with other people, especially when it comes to my relationship with jesse. all the time, i feel like i am being unfair to him because i am unable to offer him the same trust i have devoted to previous relationship.  not because i can't nor because i don't trust him, but simple because some defensive processing heuristic in my head don't allow me to be as trusting as before.  i also realize that i have learned to expect unreasonably of someone, something.  i have also grew to hate suprises, simply because i have learned to generalize all suprises as bad suprises.  so in trying to control what shouldn't be controlled by me, i let my negativeness take over.  i am sure that doesn't make sense, but let me give you an example:  my birthday is this friday, this past saturday, i assumed like jesse forgot about my birthday because several people told me that they wouldn't be able to go out with me on my birthday.  uncontrollably, i became really upset, paranoid, and persecuted jesse assuming that he's not doing anything for my birthday. and really, this is more unrational than someone wearing a diving bell while trying to jog. eventually he told me that he was going to drive down to u of i to suprise me on my birthday, but he had to tell me because of how Upset i was acting. immediately i felt like THE BIGGEST ASS in the world.  i rarely feel bad about things i've done. but THIS, THIS WAS MAJOR. i mean, here's a guy, who's doing all he can, and then some, to make me know how much he loves me, and hopefully make me the trusting and faithful person that i once was, and all i did ............was denying his effort and making things more difficult than it should ever be.

sigh.... how do i make myself worthy of this great guy? deep down, i don't question his love for me. not at all, but everytime he says 'i lovey you' i ask 'really?" or "how much?" or "liar".  and i know that these probably make him feel frustrated, even tho i never meant for it to be that way.

but i know how much he loves me, i am not going to question it, not going to doubt it. i am going to give him the trust that he deserves, and eventually, when enough time has passed, i want to be the best girlfriend i can be because he deserves that, and WE deserve that.

one more important lesson i have learned.  there's no such thing as a bad relationship.  people often create problems for themselves, like i have.  your relationships will not be better unless YOU, and ONLY YOU, at this very second decide to be a better person, and really make an effort to change. complaining, mopping around, and sobbing won't help. trying to find another 'better' person won't help either. because no matter who you find, you're going to find faults in them and you'll never be happy. and lastly, really, let people know how much you appreciate them, not with 'postive (obvious) actions" like saying i love you a lot , cause that'll get old really quick and might sound fake sometimes, but rather, use negative actions like doing little things for them, or in my case, stop saying "liar" when he says 'i love you'.  rt ?

yall, i am sorry for this overly emotional entry, i swear i am NOT EMO.
i think this is just because i've watched too much day-time tv show this spring break. but yeah. i hope you'll find your own 'jesse' someday :)

so Psych room pretty much sums up my four-day weekend.

Jesse came down to urbana to visit on thursday nite for the weekend as a early Valentine's day celebration, and I was fighting the battle with what i thought was a common cold. well, that nite, we went to bed, but my body temp was burning up like GOD was preparing me for HELL, and that made Jesse really horny, in a "baby-you-feel-really-hot" way. TOO BAD i was trying NOT to die. for a brief, delirious moment, i actually convinced myself that i had SARS because i might have contracted it last weekend hanging out with bunch 'o FOBS. sigh....

so friday morning comes, i was sore ALL over, and not in a good way either, basically, it wouldn't be a stretch by the least to say that i felt ran over by a TRAIN, and it BACKED up on me again.
Jesse convinced me that Tylenol should make me feel better, and to the WALGREEN's we went, and at the check out counter i PASSED OUT. Yes, just like that !!  now, obviously, i do not remember anything, because by the time i remember sumthing, i was getting wheeled out of Walgreen's by the paramedics. Jes said that i hit my chin on the counter before i passed out on the floor, and i went "ow :(.........."  . hahaha yeah. hilarious.

i got sent to the emergency room, and they put me in the PSYCH room for sum reason .ahahaha  maybe i looked crazy, i don't know. but yeah, the paramedics were RETARDED, they stuck the niddle wrong, so all the IV went into my ARM and not my BLOOD. i was thinking "haha ha, funny, my arm looks really buff.....and i am sure that's not right".  but yeah, i had to get re-stuck again. wasn't too bad. the WORSE part was, Jenn, alexandra, and Jesse eating GUMMY BEARS right in front of me and dangling those squishy green deliciousness right between my eyes......OH, and Jesse managed to put one on top of my nose .... and it stayed......>_< we have pictures too, i'll post those later.

five hours, four IV bags, two blood test, one urine test, and  two of Jenn's turning-circles-against-the-psych-room-wall trips later, they determined that and i quote "you have a really unhappy tummy".

hmm....... thanks, HOSPITAL OBVIOUS.

oh, and for those of you that haven't been to a psych room before, there IS A SECURITY CAMARA RUNNING AT ALL TIME, i forgot all about that, and my BOOBS were FACING THE security camara when i was trying to put my bra back on, which alexandra later told me that the guy at the front desk was really taking a liking of that and was staring intensively at the monitor. yikes...

so Karaoke nite didn't happen, but we went to FRIDAY's for dinner.

Saturday comes around, i felt better already, jesse and i went grocery shopping, and he kindda just looked at me like i was crazy casue i kept putting vegetables that were bigger than my head into the shopping cart.

cooked sum egg drop soup for dinner, and jesse got sum calzone, we watched x-files and went to bed. now....don't get excited when i say "BED", because it really wasn't that romantic at all. why? well, i took sum pills that the hospital perscribed that were suppose to help my tummy feel better. TOO BAD that side effects kindda made me PSYCHOTIC. the whole nite, according to bf, i was kicking, screaming, and biting, and swearing, yeah ......next morning, i looked at the side effects "irritibility, hostile, violent behavior, lip smacking, nightmares, and mask-like facial expression" .............hahaha thanks.............-____-''

Sunday cames around, felt MUCH MUCH better, no more crazy stuff happend. Went to the library with bf and did sum hw, then went to outback for dinner. OH, when the check came, instead of putting the credit card in the check folder, i put the WHOLE wallet in the middle of it, and then when i was trying to close it, it obviously woudln't, but i had this CONFUSED look on my face like "WHY WON"T IT CLOSE?????" ...........ahahahhahah YEAH !! jesse laughed so hard at me he actually managed to slip and fall.

then a wonderful weekend ended, and bf went home :(

but yeah, really glad that when i was sick, my bf was there to take really good care of me, and he didn't hesitate to sleep next to me even when i was kicking and biting.
well, that's love :)

Merry Xmas !!

Let me begin by saying that Bladder infection doesn't bear any cheerful holiday spirits, however nasty, isn't a STD.  Just so we're clear !

Bladder infection hit me like an Italian Mafia open-fire blood bath ... quite literally, blood bath isn't a bit of a stretch AT ALL. 1am in the morning, i was sitting on the shitter peeing BLOOD !!! I took a look in the toilet realizing that my pee was PINK. "COOL !!" i thought at first, i even want to take a picture of it and post it on xanga.......haha, but sharp pain in my bladder reminded me that taking a picture was physically impossible......... so..... i gave up. y'all just need to use ur imagination. 

then, after a day or 2, Walgreen's drugs aleviated the symptoms....but i still need to drink a lot a lot of water.....like TWO GALON/day.

Had Xmas dinner with Jesse family, what a lovely bunch : ' ) and his nephews are SO adorable  !!! hehe, i don't usually like kids, but his nephews are alright. lol.

Time to talk about Xmas gifts :)

From Jesse: 
A very beautiful candle base/ candle holder. and a 100% soybean candle that Smells like DUTCH APPLE PIE :) mmmmmmmmm so good ! i totally love the gifts because i've been complaining about finding the right center piece on top of my dresser.  so it's definately really cute knowing my bf pays attention to me when i talk, and has a good taste to pick up a nice candle set. thanks hun !! And i got awesome-looking xmas ornaments from Gretchen :) (jesse's sister)

From the other Jessi (the more beautiful one with a stronger handshake...haha)

a BEAUTIFUL make up platter :)  gee, r u trying to tell me that i am ugly? lol jk jk. THANK YOU JESSICA.......... i love the color :) especially the BRIGHT GREEN, and the BRIGHT ORANGE. again, i am kidding.  oh, and cheesecake factory rules !

From Eric:

From my brother:(it's a calander)

From my piano student Mandy: (it's sheet music for piano and vocal)

From mother: a NEW SUPER FAST COMPUTER that my brother helped build, so i don't have to use Windows 98 anymore .... HAHHA, and i can FINALLY watch dvd and burn stuff on my pc without worrying about it burning down. ;)

From Father: but in Aqua.
and he also Got me two books on crochet and advanced knitting so that i would stay home and knit instead of out drinking ;) Also, since he just flied in from Taiwan, he brought a lot of food and some DVDs of chinese singers in concert. if any of you know Jay chou. and Jolin.

Now,  FROM MY WONDERFUL WONDERFUL Chase Debit Card:

Old navy

Ann Taylor

Bath&Body Works

I LOVE YOU, Debit card !!!!

yeah, i definately bought more than just those, listing them out one by one is surely tiring...

On top of that. My Effort and my Professors at UIUC really made Fall 2005 semester truly wonderful, and here's why.

Accy 201 A+
Econ 202 A
Psych 238 A-
Fshn 120 A
Ace 341 A-
CS105 A

and THAT is a 3.91 GPA, dear. :) Very VERY pleased.

Now, I wish y'all a HAPPY NEW YEAR and maybe i'll update when 2007 is around the corner. Chao ;)

~FINALS WEEK~

lol.....that font did not look serious at all. anyways. finals week is kicking my ASS mainly because everything is so spread out. and I have a Serious case of ADHD. I space out A LOT.  and the other day, I went to the library to study, but i left a puddle of slobber all over my accounting book. yup, Very productive. 

But really, Wat was I thinking ? taking 18 credit hours is SO NOT FUN. and i felt like  i've wasted SO much time on Sleeping, wat a miracle that i haven't failed out of school. lol.
Talking about sleeping a lot, you would think that 10 hours means a lot, but NOT IN MY BOOK, in my book 14 hours means a lot ....... lol ........let's just put it this way. i have 16 classes per week (plus 2 hours for an online course), 3 is the average number of classes i attend each week. lol .......... talking about wasting my parent's money.  but it's really isn't as bad as you think.  i mean, being productive and studious isn't a problem for me, i like to ultilize my time MY WAY, without  having to work my schedule around when my classes are.  so i actually do get a lot of things done.

the only thing i stopped doing is working out, but, the being lazy isn't the only reason.  My back constantly hurts, for NO reason, maybe it's because of my pillow, or maybe i wear heals too often. but i believe that there must be something fishy with my back. so as soon as i go home for the break, i have to go get it checked out.

do you guys ever feel like your getting old ?? my memory is slipping !!!! SLIPPING AWAY !!!!! if you see me now adays, i usually have things written on my palm, or on post-its, otherwise nothing would be accomplished. sigh........

so on the more interesting side, not related to finals or how i must be going crazy, Boyfriend JESSE invited to his family XMAS celebration dinner.

.................. and i am SHITLESS !!!

i mean .....it's VERY VERY SWEET that he has invited me to the dinner, but omg !! i am gonna FEEL SO SUPER AWKWARD !!!!!!!! they're ALLLLLLLLLLL WHITE !!!!! 18 OF THEM !!!!!!! plus the BABIES !!!! omg ...... is this a trick ?????? lol
yeah, but seriously, i really think i should go because since his parents are moving away to tennesse after xmas, this might be my only chance to get to know them. and i guess it really woudln't be bad getting to know your boyfriend's families......that way, you'll know wat he's made of . heh heh. 

i don't know. it's cold, i am gonna put my hands back in the pocket.